Witness for God

Good morning, everyone! I hope this message finds you well and gives you some clarity for my recent poems that were posted. Also, I do hope that you can read through this and gain an understanding as to my current path that I feel as though I'm blazing through, with God's lead.

Clarity Can Help

I wanted to open this up and be as clear as needed so there are no worries of thinking you needed to read between lines to gain an understanding. I have been reading a lot of the Bible recently and I am finding that there is a lot of information hidden to a quick scan or review. Just as the Bible does, some of my poetry may do the same.

I have been rereading several passages within the Bible in hopes of better understanding of the written Word. Parables and hidden meaning do make it difficult to understand sometimes, but I find that the obstacle that we see are usually what keeps the Bible close to us, those of us that believe in the Word. I truly believe that the confusion some see, some read through with complete clarity, as God allows them to for those pure of heart to teach the lessons needed to us. I also believe that the reasoning behind this is to ensure the Bible echoes beyond even a person's lifetime, a language barrier of different customs and nations, but more importantly, our fleshly desires of our own recognition.

Why This is Important

With that being said, I feel as though I need to share my testimony of my life in recent months. With prayer included, my prayer is that it may give you an understanding to God through my faith. Though some of you may know much of my story of my life, every person within my life only know parts of my journey. So, I'd like to share with you some of my timeline of my life and how those milestones have created so much faith within me. I feel as though God is building me beyond even my own understanding.

I am currently 34 years old (yes, I had to think for a minute on that - ha!). Though some may see me still as young, my life experiences have given me a magnitude of events to review and bare witness to the works of God within my life. There are many blessings that would make this post beyond the ability of the server to hold this information and display it, but I would like to share with you this last year of my life. I'd like for you to witness the struggles that I have been pulled through by God's grace, not my own will or determination. Though I do have a very stubborn mindset, this mindset merely slowed me down when not acknowledging God's work within my life.

I had to get beyond my own pride that I thought I stood on. I thought I stood so highly on this platform I had built, but I had no acknowledgement of the work of our Creator. After that acknowledgement came like a rushing train to me, I had to bare my embarrassment of how, only recently, I had been living my life. I had not been giving him credit and thanks for the valleys and mountains that He has pulled me through. From the COVID-19 challenges, to building my relationship with God, to building my relationship with my family and starting my jump with faith from a stable, fantastic financial employer, to being fully self-employed.

Struggles with Myself

For those in my family, most of you are aware of my last few months of failure, success and breakdown - more importantly, when I finally opened my heart to God. That emotional moment of being consumed by the love from God. The overwhelming amount of know of me having a path set before me that I have dove, head first, into. I left behind doubt of what is within my ability.

I still struggle daily with fear that my flesh allows for the enemies of this world to use against me. Though I struggle, I still know where my source of courage comes from. I know where to go to when I lose that vision that has been promised to me. I go to God, very humbly.

Now, just because I have seen where this goes, this doesn't hinder me from slipping or tripping when I am walking along that path laid out for me. Though I know God is leading me in this, I still have my moments of weaknesses that I am still building on. That will never fully erode away as I am still full of flaws, but I am getting better about realizing when I lose that sight. I know that when I start to stray away from that line-of-sight that He has given to me, God always gives me the chance to apologize. He gives me the chance to ask for forgiveness of my transgressions. God will always be there when He is needed. That is not just promised to me, but to you as well.

We All Have Blessings That Can Be Seen

So, I need to give this testimony. Though I have no church currently that I am able to stand in today, I do have a platform that I can bare witness to His love and His commitment to me within this challenging world we live in. Here is where I will open my heart, as Jesus did for me. For this opening of my heart, I have already witnessed the help that is has done. Not as though I can see into the future, or that I am given visions beyond my own sight, but the witness of God telling me that this will help someone. These words I write are to confirm that whoever this is needed for, your prayer or request for a witness, here it is. This is to share my testimony of current guidance from God and that he is still listening.

With March of 2020, we were all challenged. The world as a whole was put into an isolation. Restricted to their own homes for safety to hinder additional sickness. Though this seemed as though it was a burden at first, it was truly a blessing in hindsight. Some of us lost our loved ones, I understanding that, but only in flesh. Some of us lost our family, friends or even significant others. We watched as some withered away from this world, but if we truly believe, we got confirmation that some of us did not need to suffer this trial of faith through COVID.

Now, please do not think of me as an insensitive person. I do also morn your loss from this event, but for your sadness only. I celebrate the rise of your loved one to a place of better living. I celebrate your (as well as my losses before and after this start) loved ones being now side-by-side with our Lord. For me, I believe in God's grace for taking those people out of this world and into His kingdom. Heaven gained more support within it's gates to help with the upcoming challenges of this world. I think some additional support was needed to help guide others faster than us mortals can help, so some were needed earlier than we wanted.

Shifted Focus

Beyond this blessing listed, I also share that this pandemic that we are facing can also be seen as a blessing. This required us to be closer to our family that is here. My family has now had the ability to focus on growing our relationship with God, but also with each other. We are now back to having dinner as a family. We are now more able to focus on sharing the blessings within our lives and with others within our circle. We are able to support those that need it.

Those restrictions are not only encouraged, but now in some areas, they were developed into mandates. How many grocery stores now restrict access to stores to help the elderly? How many programs do you see now being developed to actually care for our elders, or kids that have no food at home? How many moments do you now have a day to focus on sharing ourselves with our family, friends or other loved ones?

Though this last year has been quite the challenge, we have to look beyond those challenges to identify what blessings have been created for the entire world. A new focus ( or ability to focus for some) on family and what is truly important to us. Restrictions have been created on our "busy" aspect, with an ability to now focus more on our homes. We now have more isolated time within our own houses to focus on building our relationships with the immediate family, but also our family in faith (hence this website).

Though we don't have some of the money that we did have, we now have more time to give ourselves to others. I think we can agree that time is well beyond the value of money. We have more stress of not being able to connect with people in person as much, we do have the ability to see those we love with a connection to the web or cell device. My children do not get to see their friends as much as they did with in-person school, but they have been having family dinners with their mother and father more frequently (every night now). We have been able to visit our extended family more often. My kids now have focused attention with their cousins and friends of the family. In summary, there is still witnessed moments of God's work within this world. You may just need to focus a bit more see them.

Sharing from Experience

For specific challenges that I have faced professionally, I used to work at one of the largest employers within the state of Kentucky. I was making more than double the averaged income for the state of Kentucky. Though that was a blessing in it's own way, I was never able to keep my eyes open when home (I still fall asleep like Homer Simpson on the couch, but that another issue I have to tackle - ha!), or if I did, I was a grumpy zombie. I would be working day shift for four (4) days, then swapped to nights immediately after.

My yo-yo schedule made it almost impossible to enjoy time with myself, let alone my family or friends. I made great money, but I never had time to enjoy it or the things that really mattered. We had food in our fridge, but I was mainly eating fast-food due to always being on the run. I didn't know what was going on with my kids in their life because I was focused on what "stuff" I needed or wanted to give them. I had lost the vision of building them as women (though their mother is a great example) and I want to be an intricate part of that, as well as what to expect from a man.

Stepping Out in Faith

In October of last year (2020), I left that job. I left with a vision from God of what I needed to build to sustain that abandonment from the need of that money from that employer. I cashed out the 401k from that company and pumped it into this vision, along with bills I knew were coming.

My wife during this was fully in support (she actually tried to get me to walk out several times as she saw it was literally killing me). She wanted me to be happy, not just wealthy. That was something so odd to me. I thought money was the true root of evil, but also the source to build a foundation for my family. Reality check? It isn't - God is the foundation that I have been searching for throughout my life. No money or job will create that for you. I am not sorry for bursting that bubble. In fact, it's needed now more than ever.

When I left, this was not some fairytale of success that happened immediately. From October until January, I made $500 from my company I founded. I went from making more money that I had ever made before from a single employer, to less than I could have made by collecting unemployment (before the raises from the Governor and COVID). Though I didn't accept unemployment due to knowing it wasn't a part of that vision, I would look at my bank account and almost get what felt like ulcers from the income to debt ratio. I would curse myself with anger because I thought I had already failed. I had several interactions that looked as though they would be fruitful, but God wanted me to show faith beyond the easy times. I truly feel as though God wanted me to be dragged through trials to ensure my faith would not waver once that success was found. These challenges aren't to cause turmoil, but strength in the unknown and faith that you aren't on your own.

God Will Help When Asked

When I started beating myself up, I found a link for "lost money" that the state possibly had from a missed check from our move (from Lexington, KY to Shelbyville, KY). After prayers of getting an income from my company or new contracts, I filled out the paperwork and was sent money from previous hours worked. I couldn't believe it, it seemed like money out of thin air. It felt like God was giving me hush money in a sense. As in, "I'll send you something so you don't feel so struggled to make something immediately. Though this had already been done and the paperwork was filed, I still questioned it. I fell again into a challenge of faith and beating myself up for thinking I had left my job too early. Yet, a week or two later, I had a check in the mail from that link that I seemingly stumbled on - more than a thousand dollars. God is good!

A Message from My Reading

Now, God at this point has to be looking at me like Peter from the new testament. Why I say that is that Peter constantly shows his faith in Jesus during his challenges, easily in fact, as long as Jesus is present. Look to the moment when Jesus is being betrayed by Judas. Peter, while with Jesus in his presence, jumps at the guard with his knife to cut off his ear in defense of Jesus!

As soon as Peter is away from Jesus, he allows his flesh to show that doubt to him throughout the Bible. He is easily clouded by his flesh, but shares it within his stories as example. Despite this, Jesus continues to forgive him and encourages others to see his faith, often quoted saying "Peter, the one I love." Peter is one of the few disciples that actually teaches us through his own flaws and struggles. Jesus even tells him how he will deny him (as one of the most known portions of the Bible, I'm sure) three times, but Jesus still knows of Peter's faith and how he truly wants to live his life with God. Peter fails him constantly, but Jesus knows Peter's heart is full of love for God and him.

I feel as though Peter is the best to understand and to relate to as I feel I have had those weak moments as well. I have been walking along this path that God has placed for me to succeed, yet I still have doubts that I allow to creep in when I don't feel closest to God. So, I do as Peter did after denying the Lord. I cry like a baby and ask for forgiveness. I push away my "manly" pride and pray for God to see me as I am, but more importantly, to see me as he knows I am and can be. I pray that God sees what he has made me to be, not as I am or the flaws that I am still working through.

My Prayer for You

For you, I pray this as well. I pray that you see your flaws and begin to work on them. Work towards the better you. I pray that God sees the you that you can and with work and prayer, you will be. I pray that God can break through your callous heart (as my father-in-law said so accurately about the world today) and build you to even beyond what you can conceive as a reality. Most importantly, I pray that you allow God to move you as He has me and my family. Allow God to lead your life. Don't ask for knowledge, but for faith. You don't need to know, you just need to believe that he is in control and leading you.

God bless you and your family. I hope that you can read through my words and into my heart to see that genuine love still exists. Not only in me, but more importantly, with God. Ask for him to lead your life with faith and for your unknown path to be known of good.